Fostering Achievement without Pushing Your Child too Hard

Parents hear it all the time: encouraging children in school is important, but pushing them too hard can yield harmful or even dangerous results. Pressured or overstressed children can become depressed or withdrawn, agitated or antisocial. Their grades may suffer and they may become less interested in school and learning. While a certain amount of academic support is healthy and important for your child's development, unrealistic expectations and constant pushing is not.

Still, for many well-intentioned parents, knowing how to give the proper amount of scholastic encouragement is challenging. How can you guide your child to academic success and happiness-without applying excessive pressure? Here are a few tips:

• Don't set the bar too high. While it is important to show your child that you value education, look carefully at the goals you set for him or her. Are they in line with the objectives of his or her teacher (and grade-level standards)? Are they fitting for his or her personality, development stage and learning style? Holding your child to an unreasonable set of standards makes it difficult, if not impossible, for him or her to ever experience success, which can be damaging to his or her self esteem.
• Encourage learning for the sake of learning. A child who enjoys learning is more likely to be successful at it. Give your child opportunities to master new skills, thereby growing his or her confidence. Teach your child that understanding material is more important than getting straight As and perfect test scores. And make sure your child knows that you appreciate his or her sincere effort and hard work, not just his or her accomplishments.
• Promote a good attitude. It is no coincidence that children with negative, "can't-do" attitudes often come from pessimistic parents. Let your child be him or herself-and appreciate him or her for that. Encourage (and practice) positive thinking, teamwork, perseverance and hard work. Teach your child that character matters.
• Teach your child to take pride in his or her accomplishments. It's natural for children to seek approval and praise from their parents, but as your child matures, it is important to teach him or her to be self-satisfied. Encourage your child to set goals for himself or herself and define the steps to reach them. As he or she progresses and ultimately achieves each goal, the feeling of achievement will be one he or she is eager to experience again.

As a parent, it is your job to nurture your child's growth and support him or her in school. However, pushing your child beyond his or her abilities, setting unreachable goals and getting over involved in your child's academic endeavors is likely to do more harm than good. Guide your child to achieve his or her full potential without being overly zealous or aggressive. The result will be a well-balanced and happy child.